Monday, November 8
ever had that feeling when you're reading that you're going to have to throw up? been really nauseous these days. i hope it doesn't mean i'm coming down with the flu or something because i can hear my mum coughing next door. anyway halfway through this great book i uhh sneaked from my sister. some medical thriller. think the apprentice. few chaps of bio left, shall finish up tomorrow. =) ohh we were looking for our english papers today in that heap outside the staffroom.. it's nuts i tell you. well we didn't write our names so we had to open three quarters of the booklets to peer at the handwriting in the margins. let's say that i never knew our girls were so hardworking. obviously memorised phrases scribbled down by the question? hello? i didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. my own essay pales in comparison. tskk tskk. honestly, i wish my brain were like a sponge. the only things i can remember off-hand are the poems that i really really like. and song lyrics. i'm still not very sure about all the bio and chem details. which i always squeeze in last minute anyway. you never feel smarter than directly after the exam, and you never feel dumber than when you're sitting for it. staring at the calendar again. how time flies. i don't cross the days off like i used to. i'd be tempted to liquid the crosses off and pretend i can start again.
if dreams are a reflection of our innermost thoughts and wishes.. my innermost thoughts and wishes are basically my only thoughts and wishes. no need for night time. it's kinda weird i guess. sitting down there in class, the fan whirling overhead, bio textbook open in front of me. to ecology. if you tell me now it's out of the syllabus i swear i will cuss. so. chris is apparently absorbed in erhh the female anopheles mosquito.. and there i am, with just one question in my mind. what is love? what
is love? it's more than sweet nothings whispered at night. it's more than the little sacrifices for friends. what is it? it isn't the absence of hate. peace is not the absence of war. hate is the absence of love, as war is the absence of peace. but what is love? and for that matter, what is peace? God is love. oh we all know that well. but why can't we say love is God. i knew the answer to that once. how come i've forgotten the answer to one of the most important questions to me? how can you forget something like that? what
is love? oh yes 1 corinthians 13. everyone knows that. but what is the
meaning of love? what does it
mean? is what we think love, really love? can something so good, so pure, actually hurt us? if it's not.. then what is? and what's with this little game we call romance? why do people think all you need is a prince charming? i keep telling you, prince charming is an oxy-moron! if it's a prince, it's not charming. if it's charming, it's not a prince. it's probably not even a guy! see, i'm using
it. why am i even so worked up about it? i want to know the answer. i really really do. i've been thinking all day.. and i can't remember why you can't say that love is God. except that there's more to God than love. it's like sets i guess. love is a subset of God. God is not a subset of love. but there's something more, i know it. well. around there i got fed up with my lousy self and decided to ask chris. you should've seen her mouth. it just dropped open. i admit ecology is very far from love, but if i have to die soon, i'd rather know about what matters. anyway it turns out she was thinking about her abs which isn't that close to malaria anyway. sigh. tell me, tell me.. what is love? and don't bother gallantly trying to show me or whatever. i want it in words. not just waves of feelings that i don't have. damnit, maybe i don't even know what love is.
it must've been love.
9:04 pm
xoxo
